Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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