Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
