Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
