Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
