I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
