I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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