I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
