Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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