grandma shit on top of the toilet
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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