He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
