You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
