It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
