I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Randomize
