took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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