Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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