Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
