my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
