Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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