I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
