Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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