Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
