i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
