like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
false alarm, still single
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