If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
