She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Randomize
