So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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