If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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