I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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