Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
