Grow some girl-balls and come out already
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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