i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
he thought i was a dude.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
