I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
