I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
