I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
