this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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