thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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