She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
