she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
