She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
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