I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
