i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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