dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
