I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
