sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
