why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
He's on the porch naked. Help.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
