ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
