Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
