I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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