captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
