I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
