i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
