i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
