I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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