Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
