The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
