I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
