when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
