this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
